Last night motherhood kicked me in the, well in several places actually and all at once. I woke up every hour with Miles, who demanded to be changed, then fed, then changed two more times before he fell asleep at 5:12am. But there is no fighting it, and no fighting his needs. He is a baby on the run who knows what he wants, and all he knows is he needs it now. There is no yesterday, no tomorrow. Only now, and in last night's case, there is only right now.
Currently motherhood for me means patience, massive amounts of caffine, giving into my M&M cravings when I get just too stressed out, and allowing people to help although I'd rather do it myself. Motherhood is about giving into my husband's ways of changing diapers when I'm just too tired to do it myself, and letting him hold Miles his way. It's about releasing my need for control. It's about letting go and watching, listening, learning.
It's about singing lullabye's to him even though I think my voice is awful. To my surprise, even when I sing Row Row Row your Boat, or sometimes my lastest rendition of Tomorrow, Tomorrow from the musical Annie, he smiles. Miles doesn't care if I'm out of tune or not. What unconditonal love that is.
I guess my thought for the day is that motherhood is a learning process, and a human process of learning, forgiving, letting go of previous habits, living in the moment and being good to myself. If I can remember that everyday then I'm bound to teach it to him along the way. After all, he's the one teaching it to me right now.
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