The 'Perfect' Woman

As a new mother, I feel the pressure to be perfect one hundred percent of the time.

In my last post, I talked about those mothers more experienced than me (who without meaning to) tell me what I'm doing wrong when I can't get my baby to sleep through the night, or when he's fussing and I just can't get him to quiet down as quickly as I'd like. I used to feel the pressure to be a good wife but now there's an additional pressure to be the perfect everything: wife, mother, cook, coupon-clipper, diaper changer and lullabye singer.

I think it's easy for us women -- no matter how strong and independent we may have been raised -- to feel guilty for the things we cannot control. There is a pressure to 'do it all' all the time -- to be the perfect woman, the perfect wife, and now the perfect mother. While we know that is not always possible, we feel guilty when we can't. At least, I do.

I am by no means a gourmet cook. In fact, there are only about five dishes I can make for my husband and I that we get excited about: beef fajitas, baked chicken, speghetti, chicken parmesean, and the latest one I recently mastered: my grandmother's famous lasagne. Not feeling good enough as a cook, I wandered the aisles of Walmart yesterday with my baby in tow, and thought: what the heck am I going to make for dinner this week?

I ended up buying catfish fillets, hushpuppies and the ingredients for a garden salad. Excited about my creativity, I told my husband about tomorrow nights planned dinner. To my dismay, he did not sound as excited as me. I told my three month old son, who just grinned and went about his way staring at the bright light overhead. I realized quickly that the pressure I put on myself is a wasted energy. The pressure to be perfect is only something I put on myself.

My husband often asks me, "Are you trying to do it all again?"

I guess I am.

I want a balanced meal for my family. I want us to consume the vegetables, wholegrains we're supposed to. I want us to watch our soda and sugar intake, but most of all I realize I want to feel good enough, I want to be worthy enough of love. And looking into my husband and my son's loving eyes, I can feel that anytime no matter what the dinner menu is.