The New Superhero

After we give birth, and create an entire life from deep inside us, I have to wonder: if nothing else, aren't we as mothers the new superhero? We may not wear capes or fly from atop skyscrapers, but we do have a special power unlike any other.

For a period of time, our bodies are not our own. Our hormones surge, we crave pickles and chocolate and sardines. Our stomachs grow, our feet swell and we wonder how much longer it will take for our baby to arrive.

The day comes with a long labor of pushing, sweating and swearing, and we meet our child that we created and begin to cry. We feel him in our arms, and say hello.

We love him more than we previously thought was humanly possible.

We come full circle as women. We wake up several times a night and at three in the morning can still smile at our baby's smile, we worry that he'll be taken care 'the right way' in our absence, and we pinch his cheeks when we swore we'd never be that kind of mother. We can't help ourselves. We do it all for the purpose of another life, and still find time to be wives, girlfriends, and professional chefs, writers, executives, journalists, PR reps. We work harder and with less sleep, and wondered why we ever needed sleep before.

Then we remember. Superheros don't need sleep.

The List, Part 1.

As a new mother, these are the things I know for sure.

There comes a point when you're so sleep deprived, it turns into a battle of the wills. It begins to feel like a state of mind, so to turn your day into one where you're awake, aware and ready to face the challenges that come into play, turn your mind around and do what you need to: have that cup of coffee in the afternoon, jog half a mile to boost up the endorphins, have a cat nap when your baby goes down.

I know more about poop than I ever anticipated to. Sadly, it's true. I have experienced poop (and streams of pee) on my arm, neck, elbow. I have wiped poop off of the baby room walls and sighed deeply. I have wondered if this intimate of a relationship with poop is healthy. That I don't know, but for my life and his - it's necessary.

Life is meant to be lived in the moment. Whether I am dodging my son's 'fountain of pee', washing his clothes yet again (!), and feeling his neck nuzzle in the crevese of mine, life with him is meant to be lived in the moment. No past, no future. Just today, and all the joys it brings me.

Be on the lookout for future additions to this list. I have a feeling as I go on this journey of motherhood, my knowlege and experience of life will grow too.

Sleep Deprivation

Just when I think I can't be any more sleep deprived, my son keeps up for a longer time frame in the night, and I wake up with my hair tossled and think: NOW I know sleep deprivation! Just when I think I can't exist on any LESS sleep than I've been getting, I prove myself wrong.

It also makes me think why I ever needed sleep before I became a mom.

As soon as we wake up for the day -- or should I say --- as soon as Miles tells me it's time to wake up for the day -- I put on a big pot of coffee, and no I don't feel guilty about what my daily coffee intake is doing to me. Any mom knows that coffee is a survival mechanism and so is an occassional red velvet cupcake after lunch to keep you happy and doing just a little something for yourself.

I've learned many things about my son so far, and one of them being that just when he's ready for his morning nap, my coffee has kicked in. Sigh. So I do something for myself. I read. I write. I do cardio in my living room and just when I'v exhausted all of my energy, my son lets me sleep for 45 minutes. Just the perfect cat nap, and the next day we do it all over again.

Most of all, I've learned that motherhood is not for the weak.

The Happy Pee

In an effort to help bring home some extra money, I decided to go back to work at Starbucks a couple evenings a week. The other night was my first time away from my son for a six hour time period.

During this time, I experienced guilt, anxiety, freedom, a social independence, and went through every possible scenario of what could possibly happen to him in my absence. I didn't want to go there - as he was safe in my husband's care - but my imagination dominated the sane part of me and I began to anxiously crave holding my son.

Six hours after leaving him, I was reunited. I picked him up and placed him on the changing table, took his diaper off and bowed down to his smiling face, and said:

"Your mommy missed you! Did you miss me?"

Not realizing he was naked, he then proceeded (with a huge smile on his face) to spray me with a long fountain of pee. It got on my arm, his face, my stomach, his ankles. It got everywhere and then some, and I began to laugh. And squeel.

My son obviously has a sense of humor, and luckily so do I.

For women who 'do it all'........

Can we have it all?

In the last week, I have started working two part time jobs. One is career related and the other is to bring home some extra money.I am learning to balance being a full time mother and a career woman and have experienced being sleep deprived on a whole new level, so I have to ask myself: Can I do it all or do I need to let something go?

Like many women out there, I want it all and I want it now.

After giving 'it all' to my son these past four months, I want to be able to afford the luxurious haircuts, pedicures and occassional massage for myself. I want my career as a writer to take off in between the day's diaper changes and singing lullebye's. I want time to cook dinner from scratch, fold the laundry and keep up with the dishes, and at bedtime still have the energy to read a good book. I am beginning to understand the frustration with the woman who wants it all.
I want it all, and I want to do it perfectly all the time. I also know deep down that something must go.

Maybe tomorrow I'll know how to tune down the expectations I put on myself, maybe tomorrow the balancing act will feel less challenging, maybe tomorrow I can give myself a break or two.

Maybe, tomorrow.